Royal Dutch Shell Plc .com

Posted by John Donovan: 25 July 2024

In a move that can only be described as Shell saying, “Green energy? Never heard of her,” the oil giant has flatly denied ditching the green energy revolution. This denial comes hot on the heels of Labour’s ambitious £8 billion plan to launch a public energy company in Scotland, aimed at setting the country on a path to renewable glory.

Shell, fresh from raking in a casual £22.3 billion profit last year, is reportedly looking to offload its two floating wind projects, MarramWind and CampionWind, won through the ScotWind auction alongside Scottish Power. This, despite just receiving funding from SNP ministers for the Acorn carbon capture scheme. Because why invest in clean energy when you can just pay lip service and move on?

A Shell spokesperson, with a straight face, insisted, “Shell is wholly committed to the green energy transition,” amid rising accusations that oil and gas giants like Shell “cannot be trusted when it comes to climate action or a just transition.”

The UK government, always eager to join the fun, has unveiled its GB Energy plans, promising to pour £8.3 billion into clean power projects across the UK, with Scotland leading the charge. This follows the announcement of a potentially £60 billion partnership between GB Energy and the Crown Estate, aimed at bolstering the UK’s energy independence. Where will GB Energy be headquartered in Scotland? Still a mystery, folks.

Meanwhile, reports suggest Shell could sell its 5GW ScotWind projects, which include MarramWind (up to 3GW) and CampionWind (2GW). Friends of the Earth Scotland’s Rosie Hampton hit the nail on the head, saying, “Shell is showing once again that it cannot be trusted when it comes to climate action or a just transition. Its priorities are still drilling for as much dirty fossil fuel as possible regardless of the devastating climate impacts.”

Adding to the irony, Shell boasted about its £4.3 billion investment in low-carbon measures in 2023. Because apparently, throwing a fraction of your obscene profits at green projects makes everything okay. “Shell is wholly committed to becoming a net zero emissions energy business by 2050,” they claim, while simultaneously eyeing a profitable exit from renewables.

As the UK government pushes its Great British Energy Bill and Labour promises a clean energy revolution, it seems Shell is content to play its part in the grand theater of greenwashing. So, here’s to Shell: the master of saying one thing and doing another, all while making a tidy profit. Cheers to your commitment to the planet, or rather, to your pockets.

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Posted by John Donovan: 25 July 2024

In a move that’s probably more about headlines than heart, Shell announced on Thursday it’s building a 100-megawatt renewable hydrogen electrolyser in Germany. Yes, that’s right, the same Shell that adores oil spills and carbon emissions is now pretending to care about the environment. The new unit at the Rheinland refinery is scheduled to start in 2027 and will pump out up to 44,000 kg of renewable hydrogen daily to “partially” decarbonize site operations. Because who needs full decarbonization when partial will do?

Shell is also dangling the carrot of renewable hydrogen possibly, maybe, potentially being supplied to lower industrial emissions in the region as customer demand evolves. In other words, they’ll wait until the public kicks up a fuss before doing anything meaningful.

Meanwhile, in the Netherlands, Shell is busy constructing the Holland Hydrogen I project with a capacity of 200 megawatts. This is one of Europe’s largest renewable hydrogen plants under construction. But let’s not forget, this is the same company that, under CEO Wael Sawan, has been busy scrapping, selling, and retreating from renewable projects faster than a cat from a cucumber. Since taking office in January 2023, Sawan has focused on the most profitable operations, primarily oil and gas, while giving renewable energy the cold shoulder.

Despite all the greenwashing, Shell plans to invest a whopping US$10 billion to US$15 billion in low-carbon energy by 2025. For context, in 2023, they splurged US$5.6 billion on low-carbon energy, with a generous 23% of that being capital spending. So, while they’re busy patting themselves on the back for these token efforts, the real money is still pouring into the fossil fuels that keep our planet toasty.

So, here’s to Shell and their half-hearted attempt at sustainability. Cheers to your renewable hydrogen plant, and may it one day make up for all the environmental damage you’ve done. But we won’t hold our breath.

Shell’s Big Green PR Stunt: Building a Hydrogen Plant While Still Loving Oil was first posted on July 25, 2024 at 3:23 pm.
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Bunch brags about managing Shell’s global mobility footprint, which includes a staggering 47,000 retail fuel sites and c-stores.

Posted by John Donovan: 24 July 2024

In the latest episode of “Shell’s Boardroom Shuffle,” David Bunch, a two-decade veteran of the company, has taken the reins of Shell’s convenience and mobility business. Bunch, now the executive vice president of Shell Mobility, replaces Istvan Kapitany, who decided to call it quits back in April after a decade of trying to make selling chips and soda somehow glamorous.

Officially on the throne, Bunch’s priorities are, brace yourself, “performance, discipline, and simplification.” Because nothing screams customer satisfaction like a ruthlessly efficient, joyless convenience store experience. “We will continue to focus on our unique customer, brand, trading and optimization strengths to get the most out of our investments while also working to help our customers across the transport and industry sectors decarbonize,” a Shell spokesperson claimed with a straight face to C-Store Dive.

In his LinkedIn bio, Bunch brags about managing Shell’s global mobility footprint, which includes a staggering 47,000 retail fuel sites and c-stores. Apparently, his responsibilities extend beyond flogging fuel and overpriced snacks; he’s also in charge of Shell’s electric vehicle charging network and liquified natural gas production. Quite the portfolio for a guy who started as the global consumer payment and loyalty manager back in 2005.

Bunch’s rise through the Shell ranks has seen him chair Shell U.K. from 2021 to 2024 and hold various lofty titles like chief marketing officer of retail and vice president of retail sales and operations. His track record of selling gas and goodies has clearly prepared him for this grand new role.

Shell, ever the environmental champion, is based in Houston and proudly markets fuel at about 14,000 Shell-branded gas stations across 49 states while owning nearly 250 c-stores. Globally, they’re on a mission to sell 1,000 convenience stores by 2026, slashing their capital expenditures to a paltry $3 billion by the end of 2025. Because when you’re one of the world’s most profitable oil giants, every penny counts.

So, here’s to David Bunch, the new overlord of Shell’s c-stores, where the only thing more convenient than buying a soda is ignoring the impending climate crisis. Cheers!

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A Shell spokesperson declined to comment, probably because they were too busy counting money.

Posted by John Donovan: 24 July 2024

In a move that can only be described as a middle finger to Mother Earth, Shell Plc has decided to sell its Scottish offshore wind leases to, you guessed it, refocus on good ol’ oil and gas. Yes, the same company that flirted with the idea of renewable energy is now ditching those dreams faster than you can say “global warming.”

According to unnamed sources (because even they know this is absurd), Shell is looking to offload its share of a joint venture with Iberdrola SA’s Scottish Power. This venture was supposed to create up to 5 gigawatts of floating offshore wind power. But who needs renewable energy when you can keep raking in profits from fossil fuels, right?

A Shell spokesperson declined to comment, probably because they were too busy counting money. Scottish Power also declined to comment, perhaps out of sheer embarrassment.

This move highlights the UK government’s uphill battle to make floating offshore wind a thing, especially with costs rising faster than a helium balloon. Since Chief Executive Officer Wael Sawan took over last year, Shell has been all about delivering “ruthless” profits to shareholders. “Ruthless” is right—ruthless to the planet, ruthless to the future, and ruthless to any semblance of corporate responsibility.

Instead of investing in large-scale renewable power, Shell is now more interested in accessing low-carbon electricity for its own use and trading. Translation: let’s make some quick cash instead of doing something that takes years to pay off. Earlier this year, Bloomberg reported that this shift led to job cuts in Shell’s offshore wind division. Because nothing says “we care about the environment” like laying off the people trying to save it.

It’s a stark contrast to Sawan’s previous role where he was all about offshore wind power. Back then, he was the cheerleader for Shell’s renewable energy efforts. But now? It seems he’s traded in his pom-poms for a drill bit.

The offshore wind industry has been grappling with rising interest rates, supply chain issues, and inflation, making costs skyrocket. This is even more problematic for floating wind technology, which is still in its infancy. But hey, why invest in the future when you can keep exploiting the past.

Disclaimer: This platform operates as a non-commercial, advert-free, and subscription-free space. We do not accept donations and aim to provide information to our readers free of charge. Our content, including images and the Sheldon chatbot feature, incorporates information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means. Additionally, we may draw from sources such as Wikipedia and other published materials. It’s important to note that the content presented on this platform may include satirical adaptations derived from previously published sources. While we strive to maintain factual accuracy, we infuse elements of satire to engage and entertain our audience. Should any individual or entity find factual inaccuracies in our content, we encourage them to notify us promptly for rectification. We value accuracy and aim to address any discrepancies swiftly. Content may include gossip, rumours or exaggeration. Readers are therefore advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently. Any actions taken based on the content provided on our platform are at your own risk. Shell: “Screw Wind, Let’s Stick with Oil” – Because Who Needs a Planet Anyway? was first posted on July 24, 2024 at 12:07 pm.
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Posted by John Donovan: 18 July 2024

In a classic case of corporate hypocrisy, four Havas agencies—Havas London, Havas Lemz, Havas New York, and Havas Immerse—have been stripped of their B Corp status. Why? Because their sister agency, Havas Media, inked a deal with none other than Shell, the poster child for environmental destruction.

Havas Media snagged Shell’s media business last September after a three-month review and began handling B2C strategic media buying from GroupM in January. Shell, ever the environmental saint, spent about $240 million on measured media in 2022, according to COMvergence.

B Lab, the global nonprofit that hands out B Corp certifications to companies that supposedly balance profit with a commitment to people and the planet, decided this partnership was a bit too toxic. After a months-long investigation prompted by Clean Creatives and a coalition of 26 B Corp-certified firms, B Lab found Havas’ actions violated their core values. Surprise, surprise.

“Havas’ actions constitute a breach of the B Corp community’s core values,” said a B Lab spokesperson via email. “[Havas has] resolved not to adopt the remediation actions required to maintain certification.” In other words, Havas thought it could have its greenwashing cake and eat it too.

Climate activists are celebrating this as a win. Duncan Meisel, executive director of Clean Creatives, said, “The best outcome would have been Havas respecting the hard work they’ve put in to become a B Corp, and dropping their work with fossil fuel polluters. In the absence of that, B Lab’s decision is the correct one, and they deserve thanks for upholding their standards so decisively.”

Meanwhile, Havas is sticking to its guns, claiming that its agencies don’t directly handle Shell’s dirty business and maintaining that their commitment to sustainability is unwavering. They even pointed to their recent EcoVadis Gold Medal certification and their decarbonization plan validated by the Science-Based Targets Initiative.

So, while Havas tries to polish its tarnished image, B Lab has set a precedent: you can’t flaunt a B Corp badge while playing footsie with the world’s biggest polluters. It’s a step forward in holding companies accountable, but let’s not break out the champagne just yet.

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Posted by John Donovan: 18 July 2024

In a move that’s as surprising as rain in the Netherlands, Shell and ExxonMobil, the environmental knights in shining armor, have decided to pawn off their offshore assets in the Dutch North Sea to Canada’s Tenaz Energy. For the low, low price of €165 million ($180.33 million), Tenaz Energy gets to inherit all the shiny shares of NAM Offshore B.V., a joint venture that also involves the Dutch government.

NAM operates the infamous Groningen gas field in the Netherlands. But wait, there’s more! This sweetheart deal, expected to close by mid-2025, includes all of NAM’s offshore exploration and production businesses, the pipeline infrastructure, and the onshore processing facilities—just not the assets in the Ameland area. Apparently, even Shell has to hold onto something.

Once the ink dries, Tenaz will catapult to the second-largest operator in the Dutch North Sea. Hooray for second place! NAM Offshore is set to pump out nearly 11,000 barrels of oil equivalent per day, with 99% being the much-loved natural gas. This little venture is expected to rake in approximately €90 million ($98.36 million) of free cash flow in 2024 based on current strip prices.

The gas, lovingly extracted from the L02/L09 fields in the Dutch North Sea, will be processed at the Den Helder Gas Plant, which handles about half of the region’s gas. The fuel travels via the Northern Offshore Gas Transport pipeline, because why not have a direct route from pollution to profit?

So, here’s to Shell, for continuously setting the bar for environmental stewardship—so low it’s practically subterranean. And congratulations to Tenaz Energy on your new acquisition. May your profits be as endless as Shell’s commitment to greenwashing.

Disclaimer: This platform operates as a non-commercial, advert-free, and subscription-free space. We do not accept donations and aim to provide information to our readers free of charge. Our content, including images and the Sheldon chatbot feature, incorporates information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means. Additionally, we may draw from sources such as Wikipedia and other published materials. It’s important to note that the content presented on this platform may include satirical adaptations derived from previously published sources. While we strive to maintain factual accuracy, we infuse elements of satire to engage and entertain our audience. Should any individual or entity find factual inaccuracies in our content, we encourage them to notify us promptly for rectification. We value accuracy and aim to address any discrepancies swiftly. Content may include gossip, rumours or exaggeration. Readers are therefore advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently. Any actions taken based on the content provided on our platform are at your own risk. Shell Offloads More Dirty Business: Tenaz Energy Buys Dutch Offshore Assets for $180 Million was first posted on July 18, 2024 at 10:35 pm.
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Sample Question to Sheldon AI ChatBot Who is the John Donovan associated with Royal Dutch Shell? See Sheldon Answer Below

John Donovan is a notable figure associated with Royal Dutch Shell in the context of being a long-time critic of the company. He operates the website royaldutchshellplc.com, which serves as a platform for disaffected Shell employees to share information, company news, and gossip—often critical of Shell’s practices and policies. His relationship with Shell is deeply rooted, tracing back to the 1990s when he and his father, Alfred Donovan, became vocal critics following a business dispute with Shell, which was a client of their marketing promotion company.

John Donovan has gained attention for his ability to attract leaks from within Shell, often highlighting issues related to environmental concerns, corporate governance, and safety protocols. His website reportedly receives a significant amount of traffic, attracting around 2 million hits per month, and features various allegations against Shell, including its environmental track record. In fact, Shell has acknowledged that Donovan’s site sometimes offers information that is more comprehensive than their own communications.

Shell’s legal department has confirmed interactions with Donovan, notably regarding his requests for information under data protection laws. However, the company has generally refrained from commenting on the specific allegations made by him, instead opting to focus on the broader picture of public perception.

In essence, John Donovan has positioned himself as a thorn in Shell’s side, making him a prominent figure in discussions about corporate accountability in the oil industry.

Disclaimer: This platform operates as a non-commercial, advert-free, and subscription-free space. We do not accept donations and aim to provide information to our readers free of charge. Our content, including images and the Sheldon chatbot feature, incorporates information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means. Additionally, we may draw from sources such as Wikipedia and other published materials. It’s important to note that the content presented on this platform may include satirical adaptations derived from previously published sources. While we strive to maintain factual accuracy, we infuse elements of satire to engage and entertain our audience. Should any individual or entity find factual inaccuracies in our content, we encourage them to notify us promptly for rectification. We value accuracy and aim to address any discrepancies swiftly. Content may include gossip, rumours or exaggeration. Readers are therefore advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently. Any actions taken based on the content provided on our platform are at your own risk. The John Donovan associated with Royal Dutch Shell? was first posted on July 18, 2024 at 9:33 pm.
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Posted by John Donovan 17 July 2024

In the latest chapter of Shell’s never-ending saga of environmental hypocrisy, the oil giant has decided to backtrack on its grandiose promise to save the planet by recycling plastic waste. Back in 2022, Shell boldly claimed it would convert a whopping 1 million tonnes of plastic waste into oil every year through “advanced recycling.” Now, it turns out this pledge was about as solid as a politician’s promise.

“Advanced” or “chemical” recycling—just fancy terms for breaking down plastic with heat—was Shell’s supposed answer to the plastics pollution crisis. The company started investing in this pyrolysis process back in 2019, even using the resultant oil in a Louisiana plant and declaring its ambition to recycle 1 million tonnes of plastic by 2025. But as of their 2023 sustainability report, Shell quietly confessed: “[I]n 2023 we concluded that the scale of our ambition to turn 1m tonnes of plastic waste a year into pyrolysis oil by 2025 is unfeasible.”

In case you’re wondering if Shell shouted this from the rooftops, think again. They slid this little nugget into their report without much fanfare. When asked about it, Shell spokesperson Curtis Smith said, “Our ambition, regardless of regulation, is to increase circularity and move away from a linear economy to one where products and materials are reused, repurposed and recycled.” Translation: “We still want to look good without actually doing much.”

Davis Allen, an investigative researcher at the Center for Climate Integrity, described the rollback as “significant,” noting it’s an acknowledgment that advanced recycling isn’t the magical solution it’s been hyped up to be. In fact, it’s often more polluting and energy-intensive than traditional recycling. Who would’ve guessed that setting fire to plastic might not be the greenest option?

Shell blames the market, citing “lack of available feedstock, slow technology development and regulatory uncertainty.” This is particularly rich coming from a company that operates in a world awash with plastic waste. It turns out pyrolysis works best with clean, homogeneous plastics, not the mixed mess of consumer waste. Cleaning and sorting plastic is expensive, so most facilities rely on industrial scrap—essentially the leftovers from manufacturing.

Allen pointed out that the issues with advanced recycling aren’t new and that Shell “maybe should have seen [them] coming.” Apparently, even Shell’s crystal ball was a bit murky on this one. Judith Enck from Beyond Plastics added that advanced recycling facilities in the U.S. often underperform or shut down altogether.

Despite this about-face on recycling, Shell hasn’t slowed its plastic production. It recently opened a massive chemical complex in Pittsburgh capable of producing 1.6 million tonnes of plastic annually. Meanwhile, the American Chemistry Council, which Shell is still part of, continues to push the narrative that advanced recycling will solve all our plastic woes.

So, Shell’s grand recycling ambition has turned out to be just another empty promise. But hey, at least they’re good at producing plastic—and pollution.

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Shell’s Latest Feat: Quietly Ditching Its Eco-Friendly Recycling Pledge was first posted on July 17, 2024 at 5:13 pm.
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Shell’s New Puppet Master in Argentina, Chile, and Uruguay: Another Greedy Exec to Oversee the Pollution Parade

Posted by John Donovan: 16 July 2024

In yet another move that proves Shell’s undying dedication to environmental devastation and corporate greed, the oil behemoth has appointed Germán Burmeister as the senior vice president and country chair for Argentina, Chile, and Uruguay. Effective August 1, Burmeister will be the latest in a long line of executives tasked with ensuring Shell’s relentless pursuit of profits at the expense of our planet.

$3.5 billion over a decade wasn’t enough for Shell’s appetite in Argentina. So, they’re throwing another $500 million into the mix for 2024 to “sustain and expand” their operations in Vaca Muerta. Because, of course, nothing says sustainable like drilling deeper and more aggressively into one of the largest shale oil reserves.

Burmeister, who has loyally served Shell for 23 years in commercial, strategic, and managerial roles across Latin America, Africa, Asia, and Europe, seems perfectly groomed for the task. After all, his recent stint as senior vice president and country chair in Kazakhstan must have given him ample practice in prioritizing profits over people and the planet.

Congratulations, Germán! We can’t wait to see how you’ll help Shell continue its legacy of “excellence” in environmental and social irresponsibility across South America.

Disclaimer: This platform operates as a non-commercial, advert-free, and subscription-free space. We do not accept donations and aim to provide information to our readers free of charge. Our content, including images and the Sheldon chatbot feature, incorporates information generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and various other technological means. Additionally, we may draw from sources such as Wikipedia and other published materials. It’s important to note that the content presented on this platform may include satirical adaptations derived from previously published sources. While we strive to maintain factual accuracy, we infuse elements of satire to engage and entertain our audience. Should any individual or entity find factual inaccuracies in our content, we encourage them to notify us promptly for rectification. We value accuracy and aim to address any discrepancies swiftly. Content may include gossip, rumours or exaggeration. Readers are therefore advised to verify all information for accuracy and completeness independently. Any actions taken based on the content provided on our platform are at your own risk. Shell’s New Puppet Master in Argentina, Chile, and Uruguay was first posted on July 16, 2024 at 9:21 pm.
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