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Shell’s Jungle Cat Pounces: 370 Million Barrels of Oil, and a Big Middle Finger to the Climate.  Because if you’re Shell, “Net Zero” means “Not Now, Thanks.”

Shell — the undisputed heavyweight champion of climate double-speak — has decided it’s time to fire up the oil pumps again. This time, they’re heading to the deep waters off Brazil’s coast to claw 370 million barrels of oil out of a field charmingly called “Gato do Mato,” or “jungle cat.” How cute.

Yes, the same Shell that floods its website with talk of “Net Carbon Intensity” and “clean energy” is now purring with delight over its latest fossil frenzy in the pre-salt region of the Santos Basin, an offshore zone so deep it practically requires a submarine and a prayer to reach.

Let’s be clear: Shell is not doing this alone. This jungle-cat rodeo is brought to you by a consortium including:

•Shell Brasil (operator, 50%)

•Ecopetrol (30%)

• TotalEnergies (20%)

•Pré-Sal Petróleo S.A. (PPSA), managing the production-sharing contract

And just in case anyone missed it, Shell’s press release brags that the field is expected to spew out up to 120,000 barrels of oil per day. Because nothing says “energy transition” like opening a new offshore mega-project that won’t even start operations until 2029.

“Efficient,” You Say?

Zoë Yujnovich, Shell’s Integrated Gas and Upstream Director, gave us this jaw-dropping gem:

“Gato do Mato is an example of our ongoing investment in increasingly efficient projects… and expands our leadership as the largest foreign producer in Brazil as we continue working to provide for the world’s energy needs well into the future.”

Ah, yes — “efficient.” Efficient at what, exactly? Extracting profit while the planet burns? Efficient at convincing ESG investors like BlackRock and Vanguard that this kind of thing somehow fits into their sustainability mandates?

Because here’s the thing: Shell isn’t just doubling down on oil. It’s triple-distilling it, bottling it, and selling it with a green label. All while whispering sweet nothings about “carbon intensity” and “net zero” that they might get around to… eventually… if society cooperates.

From their own disclaimer:

“If society is not net zero in 2050, as of today, there would be significant risk that Shell may not meet this target.”

Translation: It’s your fault if we keep cooking the planet.

They also point out that their operating plans only go out ten years — conveniently stopping just before the whole “net zero by 2050” target kicks in. Handy, right?

Deep Water, Deeper Denial

The Gato do Mato field sits under 1,750 to 2,050 metres of water. That’s right — over two kilometres beneath the ocean surface. Because Shell’s appetite for oil is so insatiable, even geology can’t stop them.

In case you’re wondering how this all makes financial sense, Shell assures us:

“The investment in Gato do Mato is expected to generate an internal rate of return (IRR) in excess of the hurdle rate for Shell’s Upstream business.”

Of course it will. As long as we all keep driving, flying, and heating homes with fossil fuels, Shell’s profits — and global emissions — remain safe.

The Real Jungle Law

This isn’t energy security. It’s greed, rebranded. It’s another tick on the list of Shell’s extractive exploits — enabled by silent partners in asset management who’d rather talk about ESG than hold Shell accountable.

So thank you, Shell. Thank you for reminding us that oil giants don’t just ignore climate warnings — they treat them like to-do lists. Drill deeper. Pollute longer. Greenwash harder.

And to investors like BlackRock and Vanguard: enjoy those dividends. Just don’t forget who’s footing the climate bill.

Shell invests in the Gato do Mato project in Brazil’s pre-salt was first posted on March 21, 2025 at 11:10 pm.
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Shell — the cuddly face of fossil fuel finesse. The benevolent, planet-loving oil titan that brought you a century of greenhouse gases and quarterly profits fatter than a deep-fried oil rig. But this time? The U.S. Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) wasn’t buying their entitlement routine.

In what can only be described as an institutional eye-roll, FERC sided with Venture Global LNG Inc., ruling that the company is not obligated to serve Shell all non-public documents going forward. Translation: just because Shell’s used to throwing its corporate weight around doesn’t mean it gets VIP access to everything behind the curtain.

This all stems from Shell’s never-ending hissy fit over Calcasieu Pass — Venture Global’s LNG plant in Louisiana — where Shell is a paying customer. They demanded access to internal, non-public documentation because nothing says reasonable corporate conduct like shouting “transparency!” while investing billions in planet-charing energy.

To recap:

•FERC originally ruled in Shell’s favor, because even regulatory agencies occasionally entertain billion-dollar tantrums.

•But then the case moved into administrative law proceedings, where — plot twist! — common sense prevailed.

•An administrative law judge ruled that Venture Global was not required to hand over every last internal document to Shell.

•On Thursday, FERC upheld that decision, and Shell got slapped with reality: no extra documents for you, Big Oil.

Yes, this is the same Shell that’s still proudly backed by the likes of BlackRock, because nothing says ESG leadership like investing in the world’s most decorated carbon dealers.

And let’s not forget — Shell is also in arbitration with Venture Global. Why take a loss gracefully when you can lawyer up and scream into the void about commercial agreements that you signed?

Meanwhile, Shell’s investors will surely continue sipping their sustainably bottled water and patting themselves on the back for their green portfolios — while Shell, the ultimate sin stock, continues to hoard cash like it’s crude oil in 2008.

So, to Shell: maybe next time you want the receipts, don’t assume your name on the cheque means everyone else has to bow.

Shell-Shocked: FERC Tells Oil Giant to Sit Down and Shut Up in LNG Tantrum was first posted on March 21, 2025 at 9:21 pm.
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Ah, the latest thrilling instalment in the saga of the UK’s most ruthless polluters—Shell and BP! This time, the British government might need one villain to rescue the other. Because when your country’s energy strategy revolves around two corporate behemoths that specialise in environmental destruction, economic extortion, and good old-fashioned espionage (hi, Hakluyt!), what could possibly go wrong?

Let’s start with BP—currently flailing like a fish on an oil-slicked shoreline. After its spectacular failure to pivot from fossil fuels to renewables (who could’ve guessed that wasn’t done in good faith?), BP’s stock is circling the drain. CEO Murray Auchincloss’s brilliant plan to double down on oil and gas has failed to excite investors, and hedge fund shark Elliott Management now holds a 5% stake, sniffing around for a board shake-up and even more brutal cost-cutting.

Meanwhile, rumours abound that BP could be scooped up by an American oil giant or a Gulf national oil company. Because, sure, when a British corporation becomes a liability, the logical move is to sell it to the highest international bidder. And why not? BP still has prime assets worldwide—shale basins in the U.S., Gulf of Mexico drilling, operations in Brazil, the North Sea, and the Middle East, not to mention its trading business and retail brand. Last year, it cranked out 2.36 million barrels of oil per day, generating a cool $8.9 billion in net profit. What’s not to love?

White Knight or Just Another Greedy Horseman of the Apocalypse?

Enter Shell—BP’s equally nefarious sibling and potential “saviour.” Shell, which ditched The Hague for London in 2022 to better align itself with the UK’s corporate favouritism, is reportedly the government’s best hope for keeping BP in British hands. Why? If BP is acquired by a foreign competitor, the UK loses a major source of “soft power”—aka economic leverage disguised as energy policy.

Of course, it’s not like Shell is any less of a corporate villain. With its $210 billion market cap, it could easily swallow BP whole, keeping all those lovely oil fields, drilling rigs, and pollution-spewing plants safely under UK control. But there’s one tiny problem: Shell CEO Wael Sawan isn’t interested. He’d rather stick to his bread and butter—cost-cutting, LNG expansion, and maximizing shareholder returns for the likes of BlackRock, Vanguard, and State Street. Why waste money on a struggling rival when you can just continue making obscene profits by selling out the planet?

Meanwhile, in the Shadows…

Let’s not forget the little side project both of these companies have been involved in—spying on activists, journalists, and critics through their joint intelligence firm, Hakluyt. Shell and BP have long relied on their private espionage arm to keep an eye on potential “troublemakers”—a.k.a. anyone who dares to question their environmental destruction, tax avoidance, or general corporate malfeasance. Nothing says “national champion” like a company that treats its critics as enemies of the state.

The UK’s Oil-Soaked Future

So, what happens next? The British government could try to block BP’s sale under the National Security Investment Act, claiming it’s in the interest of “energy security.” But let’s be honest—this government has never met a corporate interest it didn’t bow to. If BP remains financially weak, market forces will win, and a foreign buyer will step in.

Will Shell ultimately come to the rescue? Only if it aligns with its profit-first, people-last ethos. But as the world grapples with climate crises and the ever-worsening consequences of fossil fuel addiction, one thing is certain: whether BP stays British or not, both these companies will continue their relentless pursuit of profit, their utter disregard for the environment, and their behind-the-scenes espionage games—because at the end of the day, nothing matters more to them than their bottom line.

Shell + BP: The UK’s Favorite Oil Villains and Their Spying Side Hustle was first posted on March 19, 2025 at 5:20 pm.
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Investors hoping for something even remotely resembling a conscience will be sorely disappointed.

Ah, Shell—the oil-soaked corporate darling of BlackRock, Vanguard, and State Street—has a thrilling new strategy: staying the course and raking in profits while the planet burns. According to RBC, Shell’s upcoming March 24 strategy update isn’t expected to bring any big surprises, because why change a thing when you’re already swimming in billions?

Shell’s grand master plan? More cost-cutting, fewer green investments, and an unwavering commitment to its liquefied natural gas (LNG) empire. Investors hoping for something even remotely resembling a conscience—perhaps divesting from its chemicals division—will be sorely disappointed. RBC thinks that’s unlikely in the short term. Translation: Shell will continue flooding the world with petrochemicals and plastic waste for the foreseeable future.

But let’s talk about the real priority here: slashing costs. Shell was aiming to “save” (read: squeeze out) $2-$3 billion, but guess what? They already hit that target. Now, they might go even further, eyeing up to $5 billion in cuts. Will this money go toward renewable energy, helping communities affected by fossil fuel disasters, or tackling climate change? Absolutely not. That cash is earmarked for “shareholder returns,” because Shell’s investors don’t just want profits—they want all the profits.

Speaking of which, Shell is generously lowering its annual capital spending to a modest $20-$23 billion. But don’t be fooled—very little of this is going toward green energy. Shell remains laser-focused on LNG, ensuring the world stays addicted to fossil fuels. Their flagship project, LNG Canada, is set to expand in line with global demand, making sure we remain shackled to carbon-intensive energy for decades to come.

As for its shareholders—rest easy. Shell’s dividend policy and share buyback program remain untouched. Because why invest in the future when you can just funnel billions back into the pockets of people who already have more money than they know what to do with? Could Shell afford to increase dividends? Of course. But why do that when they can just pump even more money into stock buybacks to artificially inflate share prices?

And what about oil and gas production beyond 2030? RBC points out that Shell may need to make some acquisitions to maintain production levels. Translation: Shell will keep gobbling up smaller companies and oil fields, ensuring their reign as one of the world’s most relentless polluters continues unchallenged.

So, what’s the big takeaway from Shell’s “bold” strategy? More of the same—because when you’re making billions poisoning the planet, why on Earth would you stop?

Shell’s Bold New Plan: Do Nothing and Keep Cashing In was first posted on March 19, 2025 at 4:53 pm.
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Wed, 19 March 2025 Ah, Shell—the benevolent, community-loving, totally-not-environmentally-disastrous oil behemoth—wants you to know they care. So much so that their Monaca, PA Cracker Plant, the one that belches out plastic pellets and pollutants like a chain-smoker at an open-bar wedding, is holding an “emergency response drill” today at noon.

What’s the emergency? That’s a great question! Maybe it’s the toxic emissions, maybe it’s the air pollution that’s been raising alarm bells, or maybe it’s just another PR stunt to make it seem like they’re doing something other than poisoning the planet while raking in obscene profits. Because let’s not forget, this plant is part of Shell’s grand plan to flood the world with even more plastic—just what the planet desperately doesn’t need.

And hey, if you have any questions about their noble efforts, feel free to dial 844-776-5581. Maybe ask them about the air quality in the area, or how much of that lovely ethane cracker pollution is ending up in the Ohio River. Or better yet, inquire about how this multi-billion-dollar facility is doing its part to accelerate climate change while pretending to be a “good neighbour.”

Meanwhile, Shell’s biggest investors—like BlackRock, Vanguard, and State Street—continue to cash in on this destruction, because why stop funding ecological catastrophe when there’s money to be made? With every ton of plastic Shell churns out and every regulatory loophole they sidestep, these financial titans keep profiting off the world’s slow-motion environmental collapse.

So, let’s all give a slow clap for Shell’s “commitment to safety,” which, as history shows, is about as reliable as their commitment to sustainability.

WTF is Shell Up to Now? A “Safety Drill” at the Monaca Cracker Plant? was first posted on March 19, 2025 at 4:31 pm.
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