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Chapter 30: Economic Determinism
Secretary of Commerce Luther Hodges unveiled yesterday a do-it-yourself kit for those who want to try their hand at economic forecasting. While the man didn't exactly specify just what was in the kit, we can use our imagination a bit here. Perhaps it's a miniature cardboard horse with a removable tail, a blind fold, and a set of rules. The blind fold is or you, Mr. business man-not the horse.
And here is how you do it: first, remove the horse's tail. Next, place the blindfold over your eyes. Now, turn around several times until you have lost your sense of direction. (This should be easy for business men who already HAVE lost their sense of direction). Next, try to pin the horse's tail back on the horse where it says, "Business recovery" (maybe this should be a pig instead of a horse) Next, feel the end of the horse's tail (Not THAT end stupid). If the tail is wet, and swinging, then the wind is blowing, and it's raining. This means it's winter and construction will halt. Now you know what to do! Rush down to your broker and sell, SELL all of your stocks in lumber, steel, etc as you must realize that THAT business is going to hell! Pay no attention to the dang chart as you have your information from the horse's a-well, you know what I mean!
Now he tells me! Although designed primarily for serious students of the economy, Hodges said, "The material in the 65 page booklet would give businessmen a chance to exercise their own judgement in forecasting business conditions." Now Luther, you should know better that that! If business men were able to forecast business conditions-there wouldn't BE any business! You should be thankful that they don't know their own business, and "let sleeping dogs lie" as the old saying goes. (Seems like we get a hell of a lot of animals into the act).
This reminds me of the story of the man in the church who was listening to the preacher intoning, "and remember my friends, there will BE no buying and selling in Heaven".
Whereupon a portly gentleman in one of the pews was heard to mutter, "That's not where business has gone to anyway". Well, so much for business forecasting.
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